Things That Piss Me Off

1.)The Hair: Some say it is his trademark others say its just fucked up and I would be in the middle. It looks like Mel has not cut his hair in say about 10 years, maybe it just keeps folding in on itself. Mel get a fucking damn Hair cut its really not the 80’s anymore.

Courtesy of Kissing Suzy Kolber

2.)The Jr. part in his name: Honestly what is the point of including this part of his name when hes announced to people. Are ESPN viewers going to say “Oh man Is that Mel Kiper Sr. Or Jr., Man I don’t know.” If there really is a Mel Kiper Sr. on ESPN, I would be surprised not because of the similarity but because he hasn’t quit in shame from his last name.

3.)His Stubbornness: I have not seen his “Big Board” much the last few months maybe even more like 6 to 8 months. And I’m not really surprised by this because like I said hes stubborn. Really McFadden followed by Glen Dorsey at the top still, what are you in September Mel?

4.)He has a very loud mouth: I think they might actually have a shout feature on Mel Kipers microphone, much like the crowd sound blocker for the headsets for NFL Coaches its primarily the same for Mel except it must block sound in higher amounts. In the 6th round you DO NOT need to shout about an offensive lineman getting picked.

5.)Honestly what does this guy do?: Does he just watch video of college games and certain players and go to pro days/combines and just report back on ESPN.com and ESPN? If so boy would I love to have that job, At least Chris Mortensen and John Clayton try to figure out breaking news, Kiper just basically reports whats already known.

Courtesy of The Sports Hernia

6.)There are far better talent evaluators: Usually those talent evaluators are people who either run websites or just write about it in a magazine or newspaper. For example Scott Wright of NFL Draft Countdown, He usually updates his draft page once ever day and he is usually right but he gets paid way less than Kiper. Maybe we could see how Kiper would do on the web and Wright on the TV, in the battle of the NFL Draft Experts!

7.)I’ve seen computers have better mock drafts: Theres a site called Draft Tek that uses a computer model to predict the Draft and is does 7 rounds of it. More than kiper will ever do, that could take him more than one day *shocked*. Currently the Draft Tek Mock draft is different from Kipers newest one. We’ll see draft day who is superior!

8.)Hes a Douche: Well he doesn’t act that way all the time but generally he puts off the vibe like Yeah! I’m from Long Island and I’m a douche. But with all the criticisms of players that were false will come back to bite him on the ass and reprehend him for his douchiness (did i create a word?).

9.)Mike Mayock Vs. Mel Kiper: Currently it is a dead heat between who is the worst draft scout and really its kind of pathetic. One guy is the face of NFL Network, the other the Face of ESPN. And thats not saying much about either channel and their draft coverage. Mayock is an up and comer, I heard about him last year and he is certainly in competition with Kiper for the worst. He think McFadden will drop to the 20’s or 30’s and that his counterpart Felix Jones will go ahead of him. Thats horrible and its really horrible somebody would be compared to that.

10.)He ♥’s certain players: In this years draft it is Aqib Talib, In the 1999 draft it was Akili Smith and look how that worked out. He needs to start looking at what other people do so hes not left behind on new decisions that are being made because he is extremely uninformed.

The title says it all, you know the person you talk to online who does this. They shorten words by one letter and use shorter versions of words like b/c and ic. Well I am a Team Forum manager at a sports forum and there is one person in paticular who does it and he does it on primarily a regular basis. Heres a rough sample of what he writes.

sigh…

Thank god hes not on much anymore, or I would have to shoot myself eventually. He’s supposedly working on an airplane training manual. That thing must be ridden with typos/crap words. I don’t think I would even want to be on a plane flown by him, I would be scared his IQ level isn’t high enough to control all the buttons on the plane. But when you are typing try writing something legible or atleast the full word. Saying something like “ic” or “b/c” all the damn time. Maybe you could stop being such a lazy asshole and work to try and better your grammar. I admit I make mistakes sometimes on AIM and forums but I try my best to correct it (Well not when I’m drunk but whatever). But these people never do, Usually their replies are met with “what!?!?” or “What the fuck did you just say?”. Really its kind of sad the grammar of these people and sadly some of them like above are older than me.

Well now that we’ve gotten past what people do with their spelling and shit, it is now time to find solutions

• Get Firefox, It has a god to most of you and that is Spell Check! Maybe next time you spell a word wrong, it will call you a dumbass
• For AIM, Take your damn time and submit one line at a time. Maybe get a dictionary or some shit, We don’t want your fucking horrible grammar.
• Last resort, Go to a type writer and force yourself to write an essay. Oh yes that will show you the bitch of misspelling and whiteout.
• If all else fails. Killing yourself is a pretty good idea

Really if you struggle from grammar deficiency problems (Sounds technical, Probably a type of pill for that) get a fucking life and try and write something in word. Really right now, I am writing this in a notebook which has calculus problems and physics problems and I am spelling 95% of my words correctly (No I don’t have a special machine that transfers writing from paper to wordpress. I actually just retype it. Shocked? I know…). Maybe I am just elite at spelling and own everybody at it but if you can’t spell the word “fantastic” right you should go on the short bus immediately. I have actually seen that before on a paper and boy am I surprised that person is going to college. If you are so deficient you should go either read a dictionary or go on and make yourself look like a retard, your choice.

When you see a fat chick walking by you wearing a really tight shirt, really what do you think? I think horrible visions that I don’t even want to think of. But yet we still have to live through the disgust of watching the fat rolls of chicks clobbering over the side of their pants and usually makes most people want to throw up what they just ate. Really even worse is when you see a thing, and that is when I want to shoot myself because of emotional disturbance from what I had just seen. Just seeing that fat, well yeah just uhhh… yeah its not pleasant next sentence please. In average sized to skinny girls, yes those clothes are fine, but if it is extremely too tight you can just exclaim them whores so really its a two way street there. When you usually see the fat chick you know its going to be really bad. Happens alot of the time from my experience. It all started in 9th grade but I really don’t want to relive that.

Pretty much my motto

If you are going to wear revealing clothes you must have to be NOT Obese, No Rolls, You actually look pretty good. Really if you don’t look good in a shirt, just go throw it in a fire because nobody wants to see you in it. You either look like shit with that shirt on or look halfway decent with another shirt on. I suggest non tight clothes like those maternity shirts. Really I won’t have to deal with those rolls and you’ll be congratulated on being pregnant so it works out. At least you won’t be made fun of for your fat rolls and/or other disgusting things because I know I have. We all know about self esteem but stop being such a pussy and take the criticism if you are going to wear shit like that. I’ve taken criticism all through out my life for various things and have I bitched or complained about it? Sometimes but not all the time, usually when it is very informative. Some of the info is for the greater good so stop being a fat little whiney bitch about it and deal with it.

Ed. Note: Errr I’m kind of scared that most of the people who come to this site search fat chicks.

You know something that really grinds my gears, No I’m not Peter Griffin but one of those things is people who turn up their music incredibly loud. Are you deaf? Well if you are I’m sure hearing *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* sure will alert to you whether or not a deaf person is around. But really are these people actually trying to get attention? Cars are devices that are used to transport you from place to place, not places to blast the shit you are listening to, to be cool. Its alright when people have it on and can’t hear it much but when you hear “SOULJA BOY UP IN THIS OHHHHH….”. I kind of giggle (What else word was i supposed to use?) because really Soulja Boy cranked up, Oh man you must be the coolest person on the whole block and deserve a medal.

Why!?!?

I usually walk from my school, So I get to usually enjoy this on a fairly somewhat regular basis.  Usually when I see the person they are usually white, sometimes wiggers, wear baseball hats, probably douchebags. Now thats not everybody, just a common run down of who it usually is. There are some good kids out there that blast their music, but honestly shut that shit up if you are ever near me. Unless it is an extremely good son, I am all down with that. If I see a band of friends who are not douche bags, I know they are just having some fun. Which I know has happened with me, My friends and a little techno music one night.

So my run down as to when loud music is allowed

• Douche bags get no speakers
• Friends playing songs loud is fine
• 12 AM and beyond equals no loud zone
• If rap turn that shit down it is crap
• If you are around me and I hear it, I hope you go to hell

Well pretty harsh but I never found the need for extra speakers and amps. So I guess I’m not the type of person that get loud music. But if you have your music turned up to look cool, please refrain from being a douche bag and turn your radio down and put your seat in an upright position.